Will Virtual Dates Be The New Normal?

You might be wondering what the alternative is to endless online poker tournaments and binge watching seasons of Money Heist. It's called virtual dating! It's an evolutionary step from texting, voice call, lunch dates. This fits somewhere, very conveniently between first phone call and physical first dates.

I've done a couple now since being in lockdown and I want to tell you this might be the future for me.

Why the heck not. For one, I'm saving an absolute fortune over here. I know you girls like to make the proclamation that you insist on going halves on the bill, but where is that happening in reality? Certainly none of the dinner dates I've been on in the past few years.

Guys don't tell me the pencil in your mind doesn't snap when she orders the lobster and asks for a bottle of Prosecco. I could have had weekend trips to the med on the some of the budgets I've blown on first dates!!

PROS

It's cheap, you get to act like a gentleman even if you're not. (No chance of inviting yourself up for coffee or awkward first date kisses). You don't have to travel. Also if it's a cooking date, you get to see if she's any good in the kitchen. I don't mean that in a sexist way but if she's doing beans on toast and serving up Jaffa Cakes for dessert, at least you know what you're letting yourself in for.

Hey not the tallest guy in the world? Guess what, I'm not 6'2 neither. But you don't have to stand next to a lining pole or wear platforms on a Zoom Call.

Tricks - For a Virtual Zoom Date

Cook a meal

What to cook? Something easy that doesn't turn you into a waffle-house grill man. I would say you can't go wrong with a steak and a decent bottle of red vino. Get a decent goblet, please don't drink from the bottle. 

Jokey apron? Well why not. I'm not sponsoring these guys but you can take a look at a few funny aprons for under £15. 

After dinner games

If the dinner date goes well then now’s the time to get the twister mat out and, oh wait, damn. Only joking there's a bunch of games you can play that will help pass the time. You could always suggest drawing each other on a ten minute timer. You saw it work at the beginning of Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz right? Can't draw? Even better. 

Discuss your worst dates. It's always a good way to kill twenty minutes. Maybe don't mention the one where you got hammered, had sex in a bush and had to visit the clap clinic three days after. 

Get the lighting right

Candles! Don't forget candles! Maybe do a dry run with your mum so you can set up some flattering angles. Also plonk a couple of Haynes manuals under your laptop so your date isn't staring up your chins and nostrils. Very important that. 

Watchalong 

You'll want to normalise the date as best you can. That could mean just sitting down watching a film or a Netflix show. Get the ice cream out and remember you're still on a date, no farting, no cursing, no Match of the Day repeats. 

Get out clause

This is where having a dog comes in handy. Fancy calling it a night and playing some online poker? Well you have a dog to walk right? Perhaps just pretend to freeze every now and then and blame a dodgy broadband connection. Alternatively just say you need to check out and finish some deadline for tomorrow morning. Tell her you need to call your Mum, it's an evening ritual you have now that makes you sound caring. 

Good luck with those!