The Most Important Thing to Bring on a First Date

Last week I was having a conversation with a good friend about dating. He met a girl playing tennis, went on to have a lunch date, then a dinner date, and was talking about the prospect of playing tennis with her again the next day. It's worth noting that all of these dates (and these were his words) had not involved any intimate activity. 

'Don't play tennis with her ever again.' I said. The room went a hush quiet. There were two girls in the room also that were privy to our conversation, and everyone thought I was crazy for saying it. But what I didn't tell them, and not that anyone would have guessed this by looking at me, but I became the king of dating. The Art of War, or whatever you want to call it. 

'Why shouldn't I play tennis with this girl?' My friend asked, 'I like her, she likes me.' 

'You'll be going backwards,' I said. 

The thing about the early phases of any relationship is momentum. It's about progression. If your partner-in-waiting thinks it's already stale before it's got going, if she is literally waiting, then you'll never get past any of those proverbial bases. 

'You've already had dinner, the next step is not a game of tennis, it's more dinner. Preferably dinner at yours. Cook for her, show her your life and see if she wants in on it.' The room was in agreement, and I could see I had their attention. My friend was younger than me, he was better looking and had ten times my wealth. But even Mike Tyson needs a trainer. And I have been on so many first dates, my phone is still littered with girls names I don't recognise from ten years ago. 

I started to go on about the whole momentum thing. The trouble with all the tech and the free dating apps, is that no one is locked in to just talking to one person. Especially guys, who normally have around 5-7 women they talk to regularly. When I was dating I would just have one, and I would hammer the messages. If you start to lose momentum when texting because you're too busy watering your virtual first-date farm, girls will lose interest, or simply think you take forever to construct a sentence. 

Text quickly, get the phone number, have a phone call and organise a first date as quick as you can. You should be matching on Monday and dating by Friday. 

Now, not that I was asked, but here the most important thing to know when it comes to going on a first date. You have to bring good energy. You have to be having a good time. 

'But wait,' my friend replied. 'Doesn't that fly in the face of what you're trying to achieve? You're trying to find a partner for life, that's the purpose of the date, not for you to have a good time. If I wanted to have a good time I'd just go out with my regular friends.' 

This was a fair point. And it got me questioning my own logic. But looking back to the time when I was a serial first-dater, the more I tried to have a good time, the better date went. Even if there was no follow-up. Women don't want to be interrogated on their first date, They don't want to do all the talking, nor all the listening. If they see you having a good time, then it helps them relax by proxy. Two people relaxed together having a good time, normally like to replicate those moments. After all, who doesn't want to be around someone, that can make them feel relaxed. Who doesn't want to be around good energy? 

So although my friend has a valid argument that the purpose of a date is not to just have a good time, but think of prioritising having a good time as a strategy that will enable you to achieve your ultimate goal. Sometimes you have to go around the houses to get next door. 

Also, I had so many failed first dates, nothing dates, complete let down dates, that I knew so long as I had a good time, I wasn't wasting my time. I knew that if I had a couple of hours laughing as opposed to rattling off my life story, then the date wasn't entirely wasted. 

So what do you bring on a first date? Here are the most important things. 

Good energy. Channel it, own it. You know how you feel when it's your birthday? Your wang feels an extra inch longer right? Think about that kind of energy. Think about the time when you passed that exam, or got a deal over the line. Come in to this date like you've just won the lottery. 

Be on time. Remember being on time is being late, being early is punctual and being late is an insult. 

Don't turn up early and order drinks without her. Some women suspect that you may have spiked the drinks, (I know but men are sh*t and some men do that) so wait for her to come and then order. 

Dress presentable. Make an effort and take your jacket off. If you don't know how to dress, which is fine not everyone does, then ask your well-heeled friend for some styling advice. 

Go halves on the bill if its food, just pay the bill if its coffees. 

Have a neat story about the journey to the date. What did you see happen on the tube? Did your cat throw up as you left the house. It shows you're not someone that turns up to dates with a script in your head. 

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Article by Peter Brooker