How to Effectively Communicate With Your Spouse

Effective communication is the foundation of healthy interactions with others — at work, in friendships, at home, and, of course, in relationships. Through a clear, understandable, and non-passive-aggressive communication style, one can solve practically any argument.

It’s especially a vital part of romantic relationships, whether with a boyfriend or girlfriend or a spouse. According to a poll by The Today Show and SurveyMonkey, 15% of people divorced their better half due to a lack of communication. It’s also the second most common reason for divorce.

The same survey showed that 7 out of 10 Americans consider good communication as the most vital part of a happy marriage.

The struggle to communicate effectively is a common cause of arguments, misunderstandings, and emotional distance in marriages. So, if you want to avoid it, you need to master the skill of effective communication with your spouse (and teach them to do the same).

Here’s What to Know When You’re Aiming for a Healthy Communication in Your Marriage

1.    Process Your Feelings

Starting the conversation aggressively is one of the biggest mistakes in a marriage. Just think about it: What if you misinterpreted the situation or just don’t know something that would change your point of view? That’s why it’s recommended to carefully think and process your feelings before engaging in a dialogue. Yes, it may take some time, but at least you’ll be sure about your actions, won’t feel guilty in the long run, and won’t offend your other half.

One common feeling practically everyone needs to focus on is anger. Initiating a conversation in rage won’t do you or your partner any good.

2.    Actively Listen to What Your Spouse Has to Say

Give your full attention to what your husband or wife says. Try not to interrupt and instead focus on their emotions and the conversation itself. The key to effective communication is not only to reflect on your thoughts but to also actively listen to your partner who is trying to get their point across.

Show genuine interest in what they’re trying to tell you instead of interrupting or looking disinterested. While listening, don’t get distracted by your phone or anything else. Your main goal here is to see what the issue is all about.

3.    Be Clear and Direct

After listening to your spouse’s point of view, it’s important to understand whether you agree or not. Either way, being clear and direct is an effective way to let them know your opinion. While expressing your thoughts, honesty and respect are the two main components.

Try to be as honest as possible (in a healthy way), and make sure your husband or wife doesn’t have to second guess what you’re trying to say. For instance, if you’re unhappy with what your husband gifted you for your birthday, instead of saying, “The present is nice, but honestly I don’t know if I will use it”, say, “Honestly, that’s not what I wanted for my birthday, but next time we’ll discuss it, and I’ll let you know what I want.”

4.    Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are an important part of any happy marriage. Some spouses, however, don’t take into consideration this fact, but it’s an effective way to avoid any misunderstandings in the future. For example, if you’re not ok with your wife or husband posting your pictures on social media, defining boundaries is the only way to make it stop. Or, let’s say, your partner is overspending when you made it clear that you’re saving up for a new car. Without boundaries, unfortunately, you won’t be able to achieve your goal, at least in a short period.

5.    Ask Your Spouse Questions

Questions are the indicator that you’re curious about what your spouse says, even if everything they say is clear to you. They’re also the driving force behind further communication, so if you feel like your dialogue hit a dead end, start asking questions, but do it genuinely to avoid making your spouse feel like you’re not interested.

Imagine how disappointing it is to come home and tell your spouse something that excited you only to hear something like, “Nice. So, what’s for dinner tonight?” This kind of relationship has a great chance of ending at some point in time. Instead, it’s a great idea to show genuine interest by asking questions.

6.    Choose the Right Timing

It’s one thing to communicate, but effective communication simply can’t happen when one of the parties isn’t ready for it. If your spouse just came home tired after work, it might not be a good idea to hit them with a discussion about something important. Pick a calm moment instead, such as when they’re relaxing or when you’re both involved in a calming activity. It’s especially important to avoid heavy conversations in public spaces, as your wife or husband may not feel comfortable expressing themselves, even if they agree with you.

7.    Go to Couples Therapy

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you may have disagreements with your spouse about certain issues. If they aren’t listening to you, impose their opinion on you, or simply don’t want to talk, it’s high time you go to couples therapy.

For some, it’s terrifying to accept the fact that their marriage needs the intervention of a third party, especially someone unknown. However, a good therapist is a lifebuoy in situations that you can’t manage on your own. When your partner isn’t trying and you feel like you’re the one who wants the marriage to work effectively, talking to a specialist is the only right decision.

Let’s Sum It All Up

If you want your marriage to succeed, effective communication with your spouse is one of the key ingredients to make it happen. Without it, your relationship is bound to either become passive-aggressive or just end one day. So, if you don’t want this to happen, the only solution is to have open and honest dialogues with your better half. When this doesn’t bring any results, a couple’s therapist is someone who can help you out.

 Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash