Do I Need to Improve my Emotional Intelligence (#1 Accepting Criticism)

I'm hearing these words Emotional Intelligence getting thrown around a lot these days. So I wanted to look into and share my research with you, and mainly ask what is Emotional Intelligence, and how can I improve it?

I've often thought that wise decision comes from removing the emotion out of it. However, Yena Kim, a behavioral science PhD student at the Booth School said in an article for the Chicago Division of Social Science magazine, "...[...] sometimes emotional cues can be really important information for understanding other people, and to wisely maintain your social relationships and ultimately have human flourishing.”

Does injecting emotion into your decisions, basing them on instinct improve your decision making? So much to get into.

So what is Emotional Intelligence?

According to Very Well Mind, "Emotional intelligence (AKA EI or EQ for "emotional quotient") is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, evaluate, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively."

And here's me thinking that you just need to get a decent night’s sleep in order to implement all of the above.

I recently took an Emotional Intelligence test and scored very low. My instant reaction was, 'well at least I was honest, and who says that my answers weren't the right answers for my own life situations.'

For example, when asked, what do you do if your co-worker persists with an annoying habit? I answered, talk crap about him behind his back. 

Now I know that is not the right answer, that we should all sit down and assess the situation and talk through things and come to a mutual resolution. But does my coworker need to know he stinks? Has bad breath? I once tried sorting that situation out being honest and lets face it, didn't work out well for me.

But then again, maybe I was trying to reason with someone with equally low emotional intelligence.

So how can I improve my own emotional intelligence?

I made a print out of the below. A little cheat sheet that I carry around with me and I've made a few copies. I put them on the night stand, in the toilet. Tuula thinks I'm nuts but I'm just trying an experiment.

I'm not looking to attempt them all at once, but if I could strengthen one at a time in everyday life then hopefully the rest will fall into line.

Let's have a look at the first one. How to accept criticism and responsibility. I think many people take criticism very personally, I know I do. It triggers a lot of people and they get defensive very quickly.

And after a bit of research I found the three step rule quite an eye opener.

1. Realize you're not the best at anything.

2. Want to get better at everything.

3. Accept help from anyone willing to help you get better at things.

Have you found that the most egotistical people are also the ones that can't accept criticism or responsibility. Take a look at Donald Trump. I'm actually a big lover of Trump, I think we could do with him back in the White House, but he is undoubtedly a man that considers himself above criticism. But he has worked on his emotional intelligence. How can we identify this? In the last TV debate he didn't run over Biden with tub-thumping rhetoric. He listened. He gave Biden enough rope to hang himself with and he duly did. As opposed to the first TV debate when he was President, he was told by Biden, 'will you shut up man!' And this one soundbite, endeared Biden to the American public. Trump never overcame those two debate loses.

According to NPR.ORG, "At one point, while Biden was talking about his late son Beau’s military service, Trump jumped in to attack his other son, Hunter, for his drug use (which Biden managed to seize as a sympathetic moment)."

Not being a good listener, cost Trump. Has he worked on his emotional intelligence since?

Being a good listener will help you identify what are the best pieces of information you can take onboard and improve, and what ones to filter out. After all not everyone will offer constructive nor wise criticism.

So how can one be a better listener?

That's one for next time. For now I have looked online to find the best reviewed book on how to be a better listener and found this on Amazon. How to Listen, Hear, and Validate by Patrick King.