OPEN LETTER TO PRINCE CHARLES CINEMA

Dear Prince Charles Cinema,

You are my favourite cinema in all of London, because you play all the hits. Especially as a Bond fan, I consider myself lucky that I have a cinema like you in my town where I can regularly see the classics as they were intended to be seen. On the big screen. Yet there is always room for improvement and I thought you might be interested on some of my thoughts.

Firstly. I'm a 3D Property Scanner. I offer virtual tours for restaurants, hotels and I've even scanned some cinemas and their private screening rooms. It's a fantastic application that I truly believe a cinema like yours would benefit from. Consider looking at my website here.

Secondly. The other week I frequented your cinema to watch a screening of On Her Majesty's Secret Service. The Bond nuts were out in force, and I think would pay dividends to make something out a screening that will naturally have a hardcore following. And no one is more hard core than us Bond fans.

It would have been nice to have something like a drawing of George Lazenby on your chalkboard downstairs by an upcoming artist. Or a couple of stools displaying some merchandise. The Bond fan clubs would be more than happy to chip in with this. The screening lacked a sense of immersive experience. Why do we only get to talk about the toilet in the men's room after the film is finished? Can we not go to a separate room, a bar, maybe even have an open mic for a podcast recording after. If only we knew someone that does podcasts on the subject of James Bond?

Thirdly. Now come on, you're charging £6.90 for a can of beer. £6.90 for a can of 330ml beer. Now I appreciate these could also fall under the category of 'London prices' but that's no excuse. I also appreciate that all food and drinks in every cinema across the land is overpriced, but as the great Roy Hodgson said, 'now let’s not take the piss here'. Yes charge me a king’s ransom for popcorn. Popcorn is unquantifiable. You can’t good quality cinema popcorn in the shops. Overpriced Popcorn and the cinema experience go hand in hand.

However, with Beer it's insane that you think charging £6.90 for a beer that I can get from local off license at £1.20, is an acceptable practice. Yes I get I'm paying to drink-in, but if you're not putting on an experience, and your welcoming me with a £6.90 priced beer, I'm just drink my £1.20 beer at home, stick on the Bond film on Blu Ray on my massive telly and save a buck.

Fourthly

So after I pay £6.90 for the beer, head through an empty lobby with no Bond posters on the wall, I proceed to my seat at the back of the theatre. I pull out my phone to get a quick shot of the gun barrel to post on my socials. The lights go down, the gun barrel kicks in, I'm about to get a snap when I hear this woman scream out behind me, 'NO FILMING'.

No sh*t lady. Like what do you think my plan is here? To film two hours of this on my phone, without a tripod, in portrait and then set up some kind of pirate distribution label to upload it to? I'll understand if this is the latest Godzilla versus Kong movie, but this film is over 50 years old. I don’t think I'm going to be spoiling it for anyone.

Why do we have these draconian measures in cinemas that are showing films that were first screening in the late 60s?  Sure if I set up my Nikon camera on a tripod in the aisle then feel free to shout at me from 5 feet away. But this seems overkill to me.

In summary 

You guys are the best cinema in London, so please don't take this to heart. But we also need for you to meet us halfway. Call me anytime, I'm ready to talk. Maybe over a beer, you're buying. 

Article by guest author Peter Brooker. Photo by Jonatan Moerman on Unsplash