We Need to Talk About Road House

I can't recall where I was when I saw the original Road House with Patrick Swayze, but I know I fell in love with it watching it on a Friday night film night at 

And then Conor McGregor turns up. A genius bit of stunt casting, or is it? I certainly wouldn't want him turning up in Bond movie anytime soon, but Road House is not in the mood to be compared to anything. Not even its predecessor. This is a remake of the 1989 version, and there is a smattering of dialogue lifted from the original, the conceit is more or less the same. 

I spoke with a friend after and he mentioned how he watched it with his wife, who had no idea who Conor McGregor was. She just wondered who this maniac was in the film wondering around with this strange energy. 

So on that. Conor McGregor steals every scene he is in. And that is both good and bad. On some level I want this film not to be about Conor McGregor, I want it to have the raucous, lecherous, laddy 'but I'm on my break' humour of the original. I wanted to see Jake unspellable surname do a karate katas on the seven mile bridge whist smoking. 

And it's certainly not that. What film is these days? I do long for a protagonist who smokes without it being a period piece. 

So what is it? Well let's be clear. Jake Gyllenhaal (I googled it) with his shirt off is why cavemen chiseled on walls. (As Good As It Gets reference). And to go one further, what Ian Holm said in Alien, 'pure specimen'. If he released a 'how-to' video on getting into that shape it would be a number one bestseller. 

The film is not entirely about Jake with his shirt off, it's a story of a bar called The Road House, which has rotating bands that sing behind chicken wire (I do like that call back). The women that dance on tables are not showing any cleavage, and no man is telling complete strangers that they can kiss his wife's boobs for $20. 

The biggest takeaway for me, is that I always thought Conor McGregor was acting in his real-life UFC press conferences. I thought that was all a show to promote the fights. When you see him in Road House, you appreciate, oh he's acting now. Which is fine, it's not great. It takes you out of the movie, but then if anyone is going to be given a pass for taking you out of a movie, it's Conor McGregor waltzing around an Italian market square butt naked. 

The second big hole in the film is a lack of Sam Elliott character. Or just Sam Elliot in general. I don't think there is a modern day Sam Elliott walking and talking and kicking ass right now. Apart from THE Sam Elliot of course. But if there were ever to be the next Sam Elliot, this is the film he would have reveled in. But there isn't, so there's not. 

The fight scenes are fun, and some new tech has been developed to make them feel more visceral. I don't want to spoil anything for anyone, but getting stabbed in the stomach really doesn't count much in cinema these days and people can simply walk it off. 

There is also a small epilogue after the credit sequence which leaves it open for a sequel. Not entirely sure that was required. Seemingly not only knife stabs to the stomach but getting stabbed multiple times with antlers is also something that one can walk off. 

Is it any good? Yes it's really good. It's not as funny as it should be outside of the Conor McGregor being a maniac. I miss the lad humour, but I guess we've moved on since those salad days. Shame really. 

Photo by Anastase Maragos on Unsplash