Le Grande White by MCH Beauty: Fragrance Review

Today I'd like to share some thoughts on my new fragrance, Le Grande White by MCH Beauty. It looks to be a clone of Lacoste with its green and white theme. This was purchased at a strip mall so you can already guess that this is going to be a 'manage your expectations' alternative to that.

MCH Beauty - formerly known as Mirage Brands, is quite a mystery online. They don't seem to have anything with regards to an online presence, as with many white label colognes. Indeed people asked similar questions, are MCH Beauty fragrances any good, and you can find a short opinion forum here.

I did manage to find some portfolio notes for this fragrance, I've listed them below.

LE GRANDE WHITE has notes of grapefruit, cardamom, cedar leaves, and rosemary for a wonderful casual scent for him Formulated with high quality French Fragrance Oils to an exacting standard.

The bottle

Crikey, where do you start with this thing? When I opened the box I was at first confused because it looks like it's been designed by someone on The Apprentice who only had 24 hours to come up with a fragrance. The top shoulder and the cap feel incredibly plastic-y.

Then there is the green tape that is semi-stuck to the outer rim, that chases around the ceramic bottle. The atomiser is weak and we're not off to a good start.

The opening

The bottle is sadly a precursor for the fragrance itself, cheap, tacky and not well put together at all. I was hoping for something floral and citrusy after reading the note portfolio. What I got instead was something interminably pungent. It has the kind of smell you attach to out of date foods, or a herb garden that has begun to spring weeds out of neglect.

It's not a casual scent because it is too pronounced for casual or under the radar. Instead it pushes in places you don't want it to go. It unwinds in flavours you don't want to taste. Unbelievably it sticks to the back of your throat like phlegm.

Then just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, it does. It magically unfolds into something powdery, and synthetic. Yet, simultaneously, something rotten and unpalatable. It's as if the acidic nature of the scent has eaten into one's flesh, much like the chemical blood from a Xenomorph once lacerated. (One for you movie nerds).

Then just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, it does.

It lingers. For God sake why, how? Like the most egregious wedding speech that somehow offends the entire family, just goes on and on. It offends not just the wedding guests, but the waiters, the vicar, the photographers, the florists. No one can escape its blast radius, and it destroys everything.

A shower was called for. The second one of the morning, and it wasn't even 8am.