Things to see in Dubai if you only have 48 Hours
THE DUBAI MALL & FOUNTAINS
This Mall has selfie booths with grown men and women in the queues. Despite what the postcards tell you it's not cheap to shop in the Malls at any time of year. But who cares, it's a Mall that has bull sharks and manta rays. It has hot rich Russian chicks with 7 inch high heels with husbands that come up to their knees.
The WiFi is good, it's the only place outside of the hotel I got WiFi. In the Mall you can buy tickets to the Burj Khalifa which we waited for two hours to see. Fine. It's the tallest building in the world so suck it up.
Dodge the food courts, go to OPSO. Ask for a seat on the terrace and order the ceviche and VOSS sparkling water. You'll oversea the fountains, which go every half hour.
At night the fountains are crowded with an influx of tourists with lawless kids. At ground level you'll see it all through someone else's phone in front of you. You can shill out extra for a better view on an inflatable pier near on the Opera side. We didn't, but then we're not incurable romantics.
HOTELS
Stayed at The Oberoi. Which is a 2km walk to the Dubai Mall and a 15-20 quid taxi from the airport.
It's not a walkable city. You'll see the Opus building enroute, that's the one with the concave hole all the way through. Other than that you'll see a lot of confused construction workers wondering why you're not in Dubai, but too tight to splash out on Uber.
The Oberoi is five star, for circa £250 a night depending on the time of year. Worth it? Yeah, its five star luxury but cheap because it's in the middle of bumble fu*k. Most people want to be near the Mall or the beach, this is neither. Downside? The rooms have illogical lighting systems, there was an incident by the pool, but no one died so I won't go into it and the room service is like waiting on a call back from SKY.
On the plus side the brekkie is good, really good. The service in general is good and people seem genuinely happy to be there. There is a Roof top bar that they don't promote, but worth checking out. Bed is huge, the shower pressure is passable and they have a 2-1 ratio with the coffee/decaffeinated capsules. Better than the normal half and half bullsh*t that seems to be the trend in luxury these days.
THE RESTAURANTS
The Address Boulevard has a tasty view of The Burj. We went to NEOS twice. The guy in the restaurant next to me said, 'If you want the best view of London don't go to The Shard, go to The Walkie Talkie because there you can see The Shard'.
Similar to this. If you want the best views in Dubai don't go to the Burj Khalifa, because you won't see the Burj Khalifa. Instead opposite you have another Emaar building (they build everything here) at Downtown Dubai. NEOS is situated at 63 floors up and from there you get to see the Burj Khalifa turn into a psychedelic fruit machine. (Needs to be seen to be believed).
The food is ordinary, which is a shame. But the views are the best.
I never went to these but was recommended by a friend.
Thiptata, Thai Food (you can also see Dubai fountains from there).
Villa Beach Restaurant (sitting outside on the beach right opposite Burj Al Arab, very romantic).
Beach Bar and Restaurant Royal Mirage (amazing views on Jumeirah Beach).
Pai Thai (Great Thai restaurant, you can catch a boat to and from the restaurant).
Hakkasan the best Chinese food, located at Atlantis the Palm.
TOURS
We booked two tours with Ocean Air Travels. One was a trip to the desert which featured sand boarding on the dunes and driving a mud bike.
The second was a trip to Abu Dhabi to see the biggest carpet in the world and the buildings that Vin Diesel drove a car through in Fast and Furious 7. They don't list this but as a surprise they took us to the observation deck on the Etihad Towers which I thought was better than the Burj Khalifa.
Both come and collect from your hotel, both I would recommend.
THINGS TO SEE
The Museum of Illusions was designed for instagrammers. So much so I'm thinking of renting some cheap retail space in East London and setting up my own.
The Miracle Gardens has a plane covered in Petunias and the Global Village has a Stunt Show where a tank drives through a building.
(They don't do things small here). These two are situated close together so best do them on the same day. Don't be put off with the Monday 'family only' thing. If you're with your partner just go in and avoid any heavy petting.
The Burj Khalifa is worth it, despite what people say. There is WiFi up there so you can keep yourself busy in the queues on the way out by editing the 1001 photos you took of yourself.
The 3D virtual reality is also worth it as you get to parachute off the building. If you can afford it buy some VIP tickets to avoid the queues. It's the tallest building in the world at 838 metres. It has the highest observation deck in the world and it has to be seen. No excuses.
LAST TIPS FOR DUBAI
There is an app for a taxi service called CAREEM. It's supposed to be in fierce competition with Uber and cheaper. We found this out near to the last day so didn't bother, but might be worth a look.
Dates are 70% sugar so be sure to wash your teeth every time you eat.
The City Sightseeing tour looks expensive but you get good discounts with it for other attractions. The Aquarium, free coffee, etc. We got two-day passes but should have gone for 3. It's the best way to see the city.
There is 0.8% crime rate in Dubai so you'll be safe. But this is still a very touristy area so keep a close eye on your possessions in crowded areas. There are no cops on the street as it's all controlled by CCTV. So avoid getting hammered and taking a piss in a construction site on the way home.
